Neil is Superior.

HP01 had every intention of riding Neil yesterday morning, but slept through her alarm. She was super bummed about missing-out on a brisk AM bike ride, so she resolved that she’d ride the stationary at the Y after work. BAD FUCKING IDEA! Why, you ask? Because the stationary bike SUCKS! It’s so ridiculously boring that HP01 had to visualize being on the bike trail, just to get through the 40 minute workout. In fact, she was so bored that she actually looked forward to following up the stationary workout with a run on the treadmill. What’s this work coming to?? Hats off to HP02 who can tolerate the stationary! In the end, HP01 rode the fake bike for 40 minutes, ran 1.5 miles, and lifted weights.

Walrus-mania

It is a well-know fact that high productivity at the office causes an HP to grow large, walrus-like fangs. The lesson here...work is bad for your teeth.

HP01's proof that HP02 makes too much party

How many times will the HPs celebrate RS's 30th B-day???

Cowbell time.

HP03 will play her first soccer game (not pick up) in four years on Thursday night somewhere in Maryland. She looks forward to her triumphant return to her favorite version of her favorite game, however she is horribly, horribly rusty.

Thursday is like a trial run. For both HP03 and the team. If HP03 proves too rusty they may not want her. If the team proves to be too much like "the ringers" of this softball season past, she may not want them.

Why is HP03 sharing this with her randy band of anti-trifuckwits? Because they are hooligans and soccer, as a rule, reveres its hooligans. HP03 eagerly awaits the day that the HPs accompany her to the enclosed Maryland fake field, with its echo-y, rounded walls and whoop it up -- cowbell and all. Perhaps, we should tailgate...?

HP02 Makes Too much Party

So the bad news is that this weekend was a hiatus from training for HP02. The good news, however, is that great fun was had all weekend long celebrating some VERY IMPORTANT January birthdays. First came HP05's shin-dig on Friday night. HP02 was regrettably late to the party, and sick about missing NavyHotPants, but she LOVES HP05 and her friends! HP02 ended up closing down the bar with her new gay boyfriends after everyone else left. Not only were all the world's problems solved that night, but all to a soundtrack of old school Depeche Mode. Fantasty! Then Saturday brought the HIGHLY anticipated "RS Fife and Drum Corps, Spirit of 76" party. RS brought in her 30th year of life with style, pizzaz and plenty of 70's flare with this most excellent theme party. Guests came dressed either in "the spirit of 76" or as "your favorite RS". Brilliant! A chance to display clever creativity. It was the perfect combination of Donna Summers and RS impersonation. Here we have HP02, aka IndieHipster RS, with BS as RS when she was 7 (as found in this picture of her that accompanied the evite) and TW as RS's prom date from HS, who ended up being a statutory rapist (years after said prom)(hence the "PA Dept. of Corrections" orange jumpsuit). HP02 woke up this morning feeling a bit under the weather, but with a smile on her face. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLIES!

Conquering the Mall

Well HP08 did the longest run of her life this weekend and conquered the National Mall. At 5.2 miles, this was definitely a record for HP08. She did almost kill AT (HP08's boyfriend) when he decided that it would be a good idea to run to the top of "the Hill" at the very end of the run, though. It wasn't so much the hill as him saying "well I’m just trying to get us in shape." This implied to HP08 that she was lazy and a nice little battle ensued. In retrospect, HP08 believes in was more of the 5 miles and giant hill talking than actual anger, but her fire did manage to boost her through the end of the jog.
HP08 also caught a female jogger checking out AT mid run, which really made her laugh. However, it occurred to HP08 this morning that it may have been less of a check out and more of a "why are you running with that red faced girl with a tankini riding up around her middle and giant umbro shorts pulled up to her chest?"
Oh, and just for the record, if someone is running down the Mall, obviously ready to die, it should be forbidden for people to stop them and ask for directions. Uncool, little Chinese woman, uncool....

Down with the Pepco!

HP08 would like to alert all of her HP sisters to a threat to our national security. (By the way, the FBI is probably reading this post now.) Pepco Electric Company may appear to be a benign institution whose sole purpose is to provide its DC residents with the electricity that they require, however, HP08 believes that they have another intention. By repeatedly screwing up bills, over charging by 100s of dollars and employing only nasty, unhelpful people, their ultimate goal is to slowly drive all federal employees insane and make them incapable of focusing on their jobs. HP08 took her 5th trip to Pepco this morning, where she could only access a phone bank, to dispute a $700 bill sent to her and HP03 for an account, an address, and a meter that don't exist. HP08 lost her temper with "Ms. Kennedy," the "costumer service rep," and now probably has an angry face next to her name in the computer. Nothing was resolved and HP08 was forced to depend on her moronic landlord to take care of it. All of this forced HP08 to cancel her run this morning so now she has to go after work before she heads to a USO fundraiser. Grr Pepco Grr...

HP02: All I want to do is Rock

The quick update: After a marathon day of training Tuesday, with 2 miles running at lunch and 20 miles on the bike after work, HP02 was DONE. Yesterday was a day of rest. Today will be a day of celebration- celebrating a performance award at work, aunt's birthday and the lovely RS's day of birth as well. Time for some boozing, baby!

Willard, we'll miss you!

HP01 is saddened by the death of Chris Penn, AKA Kevin Bacon's best friend in Footloose. Who can forget when Willard & Ren were driving in the car and Willard didn't know 80s pop bands like Men at Work and The Police? HP01 longs for the days when blockbuster movies consisted of men running around a train yard doing somersaults & flips to Sammy Hagar. Long live Willard!

Back to the business of TCP, HP01 is most impressed with HP03's progress at the pool! Her form has undeniably improved and bares no resemblance to Frankenstein, like HP01's form [backtrack: CoachHotSpeedo commented last week that HP01's swim form was too stiff and Frankenstein-like. This caused HP01 to think that perhaps next Halloween, she should dress up like Mr. F w/ a swimcap. Just a thought]. In the end, HP01 swam for 1.5 miles and did some weight lifting.

Kudos to HP03 for the stellar nomination of the Ocho! She has HP01's vote, hands down!

The Ocho?

A nomination by HP03.

Givin' it to the donkey!

And rocking the gemini pride (and penis necklace - fucking bachelorette parties

TCP Hearts RS

Happy 30th Birthday RS!! WE LURVE YOU!! REGARDS!!

Soundtrack this.

The OT HP's lunchtime chat about what song we first made out to reminded HP03 of the fateful evening she became a woman, ok, when she became a teenager who was having sex.

Date: NYE, that's right kids, HP03 signed on for some special occasion sexing, always a craptastic idea. Don't tell SB -- HP03 suspects he can do without a sticker on the calendar for this one.
Scene: AN's huge room. Black sheets, of course. Candles. Seriously.
Smell: Strangely enough, sort of minty. HP03 remembers this and gets freaked out when she smells it.
Soundtrack (the purpose of this overshare): Blood Sugar Sex Magik by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Not shitting you, but don't worry it gets better. The genius apparently recorded the album onto one of his older sister's blank tapes formerly host to the Pretty in Pink soundtrack. Post-coitus cuddle to "If You Leave" by Orchestral Maneuvres In The Dark. That's right people, we went from "Sir Psycho Sexy" to ....I touch you once I touch you twiceI won't let go at any price. I need you now like I needed you then. You always said we'd still be friends, someday... and some other crap.

Beat that.

By the way, all the nostalgia inspired HP03 to google AN. Apparently, he hasn't done anything "webworthy" since his June 1, 1999 arrest with 31 others in an apparent drug bash (i.e. NH police get bored, see a group of kids hanging out, one -- in an attempt to look cool-- has loads of drugs in his baggy jeans, they all get arrested, and commemorate the event with coordinated tattoos.)

New Year = BTTW for HP02

For HP02, the new season of training has begun with gusto. As mentioned last year, this HP has no time for BS, and no time to be a pussy. This week she has been trying to continue her progress in the running department by jogging during lunch. Yesterday it was 2 miles in 20 minutes, today 2.15 miles in 20. Rather than repeating the overkill running fiasco of last week, the MO has shifted to baby steps. It has been discovered, however, that running at lunch = ravenous apetite for the rest of the afternoon for HP02. It worked out brilliantly today when the lobbyists came back from their JambaJuice run with a present for their favorite little secretary...a large Acai Supercharger. HP02 consumed the succulent smoothie in less than 20 minutes.

NOW. Today is 1/24/2006 ladies. One month after Christmas. The grace period is officially over! And it should be known that in addition to all the triathlons in which TeamHotPants participates, HP02 fully intends to lead a ball-busting HP power hike up Old Rag mountain in the spring. Let the training begin!

No one or anything will keep HP05 down!!

After the post by HP05 bragging about her kick ass work out, great lunch and getting ready to have future kick ass workouts, HP05 came down with Pharyngitis.

Phar·yn·gi·tis (far’in jit’is) n. an infection of the tonsils and back of the throat. The symptoms may include fever (had), sore throat (still have), and pain will swallowing (still have). There may also be swollen neck glands (still have) or earache (had).

First of all, HP05 hates to whine. There was a time in her life were she enjoyed it, but no longer. However, it is totally not fair to do this to her! She spent a total of 8.5 hours in the urgent care and an ER of a hospital on yesterday. A huge shout out and thanks to fellow kick ass tri-er RR for coming and HP06 for her support. HP05 has been reduced to eating (ha, more like drinking) soup, jello, applesauce, and popsicles. Of course, this is after she spent a butt load of money on great veggies she can’t eat because she can hardly swallow!

OK, HP05 is done complaining. This is her warning to all, a little inflammation of her tonsils and inability to swallow is not going to stop this HP!! She is a HOTPANTS and will leave this in her wake! Oh so very soon it will be balls to the wall, again!

PS. To HP05’s bro who is a PCV in Bulgaria, yes, we use 3rd person. Why you ask? We like to keep our identities to ourselves. Why, we know if our names were known, we would have a hard time living our normal, every day lives due to the photographers that would be following us. Also, we don’t want to ruin our political careers. And, it's fun. Thanks for keeping us anonymous!

A Word from HP02 (and MarkieMark)

After perusing the blog this afternoon, HP02 noticed a comment left for HP05 regarding the style of writing found on this web log. When discovered, a past blog entry came to mind, one posted on 9/28/05. In it HP02 was ranting about a certain Washington Sports Club and their insistance on circling "I want to Know what Love Is" by Journey on the audio circuit. If you'll remember, nothing expressed the sentiment Hp02 felt like a certain picture of hottie-patottie Mark Wahlberg. Well folks, Markie Mark is coming back, because if you dont think its funny to talk in third person about yourself, well then to that I say this:

Another Day of Personal Triumph for HP02

Now ladies, I am not claiming to be anywhere near the calibur of athlete as HP03, HP06 or HP07 (all world class marathoners), but today at lunch I ran 3.5 miles in a half an hour (on the treadmill). And Ive got to say, while I would never dream of doing air guitar while running, I came very close to busting into the African Zulu dance to my current favorite cardio song, 'Get Down Massive'. With that song and my protien shakes for breakfast, this HP is truly ready for anything... Thanks to today's lunchtime workout I can enjoy my happy hour with coworkers tonight guilt free. If anyone wants to join me its at Whitlows on Wilson at around 6!

OT Ass Shot

HP03 just googled and google-imaged the OT crew's most recent intern application and found this. I'm down for some naked lake diving, but all I'm sayin' ladies is check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Lookie Lookie

Well well well, the District of Columbia sent HP02 her reimbursement check for travelling to the courthouse for jury duty. Unless I want to go whoop it up at the Rhino in Gtown with the college kids, this wont even buy me a beer. Im no economist or anything, but DC could save some cash if they just made everyone 'suck it up' and forgo the $4 reimbursement. Or not. As I said, Im no economist.

This week has been dedicated to fitness. Yesterday was my ball-buster, high RPM cardio on the bike, plus leg weights, so naturally walking has been a challenge today. Arms still sore from Monday, so tonight it was easy does it. No lifting, only a few reps for abs, and 30 minutes of cardio. Youre not going to believe this but truth be told Ive been logging what I eat since December 28. No time for BS, ladies!!

HP05 is back and ready for action!!

Doesn't that sound like a song...

After a wonderful trip home to the dairy/beer state for 2 weeks, HP05 is back and ready to kick some serious holiday weight off! Yes, she knows it is January 17, but when you are in the land of really good cheese and even better beer, it doesn’t really count. So, she started the week off right (yes, she knows it is Tuesday, but also took Monday off as a holiday for MLK) by going to an ass kicking weights class. This wasn’t just bicep curls and squats, it’s a true cardio/weights/legs shaking in pain/can not lift your arms over your head class. Sweet! HP05 hasn’t used some of these muscles in months and is ready to keep it up. ALSO, HP05 went to the grocery store with a fellow tri gal RR and loaded up on the veggies. She made her self the best salad EVER! Tonight, unpack (yes, HP05 has been back in her apartment for 3 days, but who wants to unpack right away…), and starting up the yoga again. It’s on!

Oh, to be the Butterstick

All he does is sleep and eat ALL day! What a life! HP01, 03, & 04 went to visit our beloved Butterstick today and were anxiously awaiting movement from the little guy, but to no avail. Clearly he drank too much tequila and passed out in a bucket. Although, he did wake up long enough to stretch out for the screeching crowd. WE HEART BABY PANDAS!

Even the best fall down sometimes. . . . . . .

While this hotpants revealed herself to be a killer lead-dog in our showshoeing expedition, she proved Howie Day's song lyric to be true as well. Will she wow us like this in Steamboat?

HP02, Celebrates the end of 'the Starve'

The cleansing diet was to last a month, but after two weeks HP02 not only felt cleansed, but was feeling more and more like the starving Nicole Richie every day. So this weekend was the end of the dreaded starve. Yihaw!! To celebrate, a bottle of Chardonnay was consumed. It was delightful.
But a girl should still eat right wilst training, and this morning I brought out my new toy: HP02's first kick ass appliance, the blender. This AM it was used it for the first time, and it was AMAZING. I made the best smoothie on the planet: strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, raspberries and cranberries mixed with honey, vanilla yogurt, cinimmon, and a heaping scoop of protien powder. YUM-MY.

Lastnight it was a half an hour on the bike, then upper body weights and 250 reps of ab work. This will be 'the routine' until February, when I will up the ante with an hour of cardio and sprints, in addition to the weights and abs (and of course my weekend warrioring).
I want remain cheerful in the new year, but can I just vent for a moment? Its just that Washington Sports Club did me wrong, AGAIN. No towels available when I needed them lastnight forced me to strip down to my sports bra on the bike, so I could wipe the sweat off my face with my shirt. Dude, you pay $59 a month and this is what you get? Thats bollocks.

Progress Report from HP02

Well the goal for this week was to do hard cardio for an hour every single day, but extra curricular events beyond my control coupled with an inability to use my legs prevented that from happening. After that soundtrack explosion all over the gym Monday night, this HP felt like she'd been 'ridden hard and hung up wet', as they say. Not to mention the fact that the cleansing diet (aka "the starve") is still in full effect. Anyway, today all I had to eat was a bowl of granola, some almonds and some celery, so the workout would have to calm down. I eked out a half an hour on the bike (at level 11), then jumped on the treadmill for 20 minutes, this time at 5.9. That soundtrack got me thru 2 miles of running- miraculous!! Not since 1999 have I run that far! Speaking of that, just when I was about to run out of steam, Prince came on the gym TV and saved the day. As I was schleping along listening to Prince I was imagining how, when I am the POTUS, people are going to hear '1999' pumping out of the White House late at night. Wow, big dork am I.

Another development: as you may or may not know, the WSC in Gtown, right by Dean&Deluca, is across the street from Quick Pita. Since one of my new years resolutions is to not get any parking tickets in 2006 I have to try and find a place to park in the residential neighborhood instead of risking it on M St. or Wisconsin. I decided that whenever I find a spot on 34th (I LUCKED OUT tonight) I will reward myself with Chicken Shwarma. YU-UM. Celery for lunch just doesnt cut it. Only a couple more weeks of this BS starve.

Bull-a-Bomb

If there's a bull within a 30 mile radius, HP03 cannot resist ridding it. Here's her pre-cinnabun workout at the ikea.

The CinnaBomb

Hello HPs, long time no see. HP03 ventured back to the gym last night (after a solid one month break) for what may be the most pathetic attempt at fitness in her life.

The critical background: Yesterday, HP01, 03, and 04 binged on Wendy's meals for lunch on their roadtrip to Ikea (aka Hotel California) for office storage. While at the window, HP03 felt proud of her willpower and did not order the frosty in favor of the more pratical diet soda. However, on their way out of Ikea, HP03 bought a giant $1 cinnamon roll and a large Mt. Dew (a few years ago she resolved to drink only diet sodas, but she hates diet pepsi and figured what the fuck, I'm eating a giant cinnabun I may as well go for the 300 calorie chaser).

The disaster: HP03 gets to the gym, does some sit ups while waiting for the treadmills and then hops on for a personally guided tour ride to the 3rd ring of hell. Despite the fact that she completed a marathon less than 100 days ago, one mile in, at the personally lame pace of eight.5 minute miles, HP03 was sweating profusely and gaging back the CinnaBomb that was seeking its freedom. HP03 reached for the emergency stop and tried to take a leisurely walk around the indoor track. Unfortunatly, she even cut her "cool down" short in favor of sitting with her head down in the ladies' locker room receiting, "Please don't puke, please don't puke" for about three mintues. After what shall now be known as the "bunning" HP03 couldn't face the treadmill and decided instead to work her arms and then shame her twelve-year-old-self with some illadvised jumproping for 15 mintues.

The resolution: In honor of the new year and her new found success with the "stop biting my nails" resolution of eight new years past, HP03 has resolved to eat junk food only once a day for the next three months and then every other day or something like that in the months following.

No shit, I am eating snap peas. Wee...

HP05 NEEDS HELP!!

As stated in a previous blog, HP05 has returned to her homeland for work. She is nearing the end of her 2-week detail and has eaten enough fried food (especially cheese)
to start sweating oil. Gross, yes! She knows this because of her sad attempt of running on the really old and loud treadmill in the "fitness center". Also, so not good for the knees she has spent months in physical therapy for. Anyway, HP05 has discovered it is almost impossible to eat well on a business trip, especially in land of beer

and cheese. So, she asks this of her fellow HP’s… PLEASE HELP!! HP05 is in dire need to start on a workout plan so she can attempt to do some tri’s this year. Not to mention that little 4.4-mile swim she is hoping to do…


How is everyone else doing??

The IPod opens a whole new world to HP02

So this weekend HP02 figured out how to work her new IPod Shuffle, and the revolution began. Lastnight was spent downloading music (thank you HP07 for the itunes gift certificates under the Christmas tree!) in anticipation for the very ambitious week ahead: hard cardio and extensive weights every day after work. Thank goodness for the beloved Shuffle!! Tonight HP02 biked for 30 minutes, (level 15, 97-110 RPMs the entire time!), ran a mile in 10 minutes (speed: 6.5), did 200 reps of ab work, and worked the arms with 105 reps using the 7.5 lb weights, when it was all said and done. It was all possible thanks to a soundtrack that kicked some sweet Matthew McConaughey ASS!! And what was on the turbo soundtrack, you ask? Electronica: BT, Prodigy, The Crystal Method, Chemical Brothers, a little Madonna, Aurelius, and New Order. You must understand that I havent had a portable music device since the year 2000...DONT JUDGE ME!!

My triathlon training schedule consists of many small goals, the first one being able to run 4 miles at lunch with the boys at work. Since running is one of my least favorite things to do, this HP needs some work. And those guys are serious athletes. Hence the kicking it into high gear. Like Uncle Bear always says, you cant run with the big dogs if youre going to piss like a puppy!

In other news, I would like to introduce the HP community to a great product for atheletes that is quite effective in boosting energy and maximizing workouts: FRS Plus. Last year I worked for a consulting company that was trying to get the army to put this product in soldier's MREs. It is a cocktail of many vitimins and anti-oxidents, and it comes in the form of a drink or chews. All natural. Check it out at www.frsplus.com- I am not doing it justice with my lame commentary. Once I get my finances back in order my first order of business is to stock up!

Name that HP!

No, it's not the unibomber...it's in fact an HP. Can you guess which one??

For some 2005 Goes out with a Kiss, others must take one for the Team

Well girls, HP02 ended up spending New Years weekend in Steamboat, the location of our Cross-Training expedition next month, and it 'rocked the cazbah', as they say. HotPantsLittleSister hit the ground running after 10 months in Africa, and accompanied HP02 to the mountains ready for some "shennanigans". Game on! It was a fantastic weekend! We arrived on Friday night, where it just so happened that the Olympic qualifying competitions for the arials and the freestyle ski events were taking place. AND, after the ski competitions Hootie and the Blowfish were putting on a concert at the base of the mountain. Rock out-Hootie!! I LOVED 1995!! The concert was actually outside, with snow falling- it was hillarious watching all the drunks stare at the snow swirling around in the spotlight. And the evening included fireworks over the ski mountain! Uncle Bear naturally brought the peppermint schnapps, so no one was feeling cold, all his old-fart drunk friends were rocking like it was 1999! Ha! (Incidentally all those Hootie guys look exactly the same).

New years eve day consisted of a huge snowshoeing expedition behind the house (and a photo-shoot at the top of the mountain), a viewing of "Love Actually", and the perfect execution of a textbook new years eve game plan. It was HotPantsLittleSister's first new years on the bar scene, and she had one thing on her mind: the new year's kiss. BigSisterHP aka HP02 was up for the challenge, and was in the mood for 'doin it and doin it and doin it well'. The line was long at the Tugboat, best bar in Ski Time Square, but nevertheless we braved the cold, only to be turned down at the door. Crap! They were at capacity. Never accepting defeat, HP02 skillfully talked the bouncer into letting "just two more girls in". Obstacle #1 overcome. It was now time for HotPantsLittleSister to ID the target- "pick anyone in the room, and we'll make it happen" says HP02. A bold proclomation, I realize, but this big sister was feeling the pressure to perform! After HotPantsLittleSister found a couple of hotties, HP02 reeled them in with the classic "excuse-me can-you-hold-my-beer, I-cant-find-my-phone" routine.
Cheesy, I know, but I was on a selfless mission on behalf of my darling sister. Fate took it from there and alas, HotPantsLittleSister got to kiss the cutest guy in the bar on new years 2005! As for HP02, turns out the hottie friend was the wingman with a girlfriend, so she settled for a kiss on the cheek when the clock struck 12.
Just goes to show you, sometimes you simply have to take one for the team in order to get 'er done!

HP05 Returns home

Happy New Years HP’S!! Love reading the stories and this is just what HP05 needs as she is happily in the Cheese State for work, for the next 2 weeks. A perfect place to start the resolutions an training for the triathlons she has in mind for 2006. That is until I saw the ‘fitness center’. Sure… a treadmill from 1985 (very big and loud), a broken stairmaster, and stationary bike with a seat that doesn’t adjust. Words can not even describe the weigh machines. I would run out side, but as I said, I am in the Cheese State, which means COLD. So, I can start my resolution for working out more starting on the 15th, right?



The one good thing on this trip, I get my FAVORITE beer!!!

New Year's and the Killer Dorito

Finally, a new year, no more review at work (talk about an energy and vision sucker - looking at millions of numbers and names for hours upon hours a day and one pathetic visit on a beautiful Sunday afternoon), and a new home computer that actually works. No more cursor jumping around and being randomly banned from the internet HP06 pays dearly for (this should appease my mother who complains I don't email enough).

And with the new year come new year's resolutions - HP06's greatest and longest lasting revolution was made on New Year's during 7th grade (in order to not date myself I will leave the year off) where HP06 stopped eating doritos - this resolution lasted until this past New Year's eve where it was broken in a chow down with Guacamole Doritos after a night sucking down vodka at the neighborhood bar with out of town guests. So, good-bye to the longest running resolution - all it took was one bag and a few drinks. And if memory serves, it is quite possible - judging by the dirty pan HP06 awoke to on Sunday morning - that HP06 actually cooked while drunk. Surely that is a story all the neighboring tenants would love to hear.

Since the longest running resolution has been broken, it's time to start one that will last even longer. Although with the new race season just around the corner and a fabulous trip out west even sooner - the yearly, I will work out more resolution, shouldn't be too hard to follow. First big challenge on the schedule - Cherry Blossom 2006. 3 months - that should be enough time to whip this sorry/lazy a** into shape!

Happy New Year to all the HPs!