Becky Boots a Squirrel: A Tragedy in One Act

By The Ocho










Act 1, Scene 1

(The audience sees a young, incredibly gorgeous and fit couple jogging toward the DC Armory on a early, balmy summer morning. As the couple approaches a jersey wall** , the male jogger runs through a gap, scaring a squirrel into running directly across the front of the wall and across a second gap just in time for the female jogger to catch the squirrel square in the body with her right foot, clipping the tale with her left foot, sending the squirrel flying.)

Female jogger: (Jumping up and down, flapping hands in the air, screeching) OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! DID YOU SEE THAT!?! OH MY GOD!

Male jogger: (Stopping calmly) Was that a rat?

Female jogger: (Still squealing and jumping from foot to foot, fluttering hands) NO! IT WAS A NASTY ASS SQUIRREL! I DIDN'T JUST KICK HIM! I CAUGHT HIM FULL ON, FULL FORCE UNDER HIS BELLY! THAT IS SO GROSS!!!

Male jogger: (looking back in the direction where the offending squirrel has skittered off) Well don't worry, I think he's ok.

Female jogger: (Still prancing hysterically) THINK HE'S OK!?! I DON'T CARE IF THE NASTY ASS SQUIRREL IS OK!!! I PROBABLY HAVE SOME KIND OF SQUIRREL-FOOT DISEASE!!! WHO CARES ABOUT THE DAMN SQUIRREL!?! I'M GOING TO DIE OF MAD SQUIRREL OR RABIES!!! OH MY GOD!!! (More bouncing, flapping and squealing.)

Male jogger: OK, you have to stop that. You look like a girl. Let's go.


(The female jogger regains her composure and the couple starts to jog again.)


Female jogger: Man, I can't believe I just booted a squirrel...

SCENE

(** set note: the jersey walls should be arranges to allow for two narrow, but separate, gaps only wide enough for one person to fit through with a larger jersey wall between the two gaps.)