Tankinis a-plenty in Bath County Virginia

BREAKING NEWS: The ladies of TCP are registered and ready to kick some ass at the Bath County TRI on June 24th!

We have 2 relay teams and 3 solo racers...now that's A LOT of HotPants for one event!

Congrats to HP10 & HP08 who will test their skill in the agua. And a special welcome to CB (biker) & RP (runner) who will be relaying with the HPs!

Viva TeamCalientePantalones!!

Celebrating the 400th post!

The Uno is pleased to submit the 400th post to our kick-ass blog! Her message is one of humility and humidity. Like the Ocho, HP01 recreated in the dreadful humid heat of the midwest this holiday weekend and was, ONCE AGAIN, handed her hotpants on a silver platter by her old man. That's right, CoachYoda, who is 30 years older than HP01, kicked her butt both running (4 miles) and cycling (16 miles). The run was the worst...by mile 1, HP01 was huffing and puffing, and running through sprinklers to stay cool. Dad, on the other hand, was steady and relaxed. He saw the pain in HP01's face and decided to give her the occasional shout out..."lookin' good, keep it up!" NOT!

BTW...CoachYoda will be schooling all the HPs at the Naylors Beach TRI, where he plans on gracing us with his neeewwww TRI bike. But will her wear the Mankini??

Saturday, HP01 ventured off by her lonesome on a 35-mile bike ride through the farmland. Thankfully, the apple cinnamon CarbBoom goo and her camelpak got her through the dreadful heat.

HP01 is also happy to report last week's inaugural swim with the Duece. HP10 was looking Hot-T in the pool and will kick all our butts in no time. Clearly, the Duece is a stellar athlete and will no doubt bring home a trophy from the Bath County TRI.

Tonight...weight training and swimming with RedHotPants and (hopefully) the Duece.

HP08 got her ass kicked in the Good Ol' Rocky Top

So HP08 is trying to get back in to the swing of things returning to her training regiment after trying to save immigrants for a couple of weeks.
HP08 and Senor Ocho spent the weekend in TN with Senor Ocho's family. On Saturday morning they tried to go for a bit of a run in the Rocky Mountains and HP08 got her ass handed to her. It may have had something to do with the fact that it was 95 degrees with about 90% humidity, but either way, it wasn't pretty. Sunday morning they got up a bit earlier and did a grueling hills course that was only about 2 miles, but was a literal pain in the butt. Senor Ocho is a little worried that they're already behind in the marathon training, but HP08 has the Marines emailing her training guidelines every day and they seem to be pretty on par.
Tonight, HP08 will head to the pool to try and get back on track in the water.
So here's to Good Ol' Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee and it's ability to put this HP in her place. We will meet again in July, Rocky Top, and HP08 will walk away the victor!!!

HPs are a good blend... some make dick jokes, some struggle with maturity and some of us get complimented on the Sen. floor by the lion of the chamber

"It's a damn good thing you don't have a penis; you'd be a total menace." -HP01 to HP03 over lunch.

"This is truly testing the limits of my maturity." -HP03 to the OT ladies re: SB's pending departure to NYC.

"I'd like to congratulate [Senator Johnny Mac's staff, the Ocho] for her leadership and vision on this legislation." Senator Teddy Kennedy on HP08's love for the migrant.

Saturday, 12:30. You know you're jealous.

Here's to her vision.

The Ocho got a Senate floor shout out from Teddy K this afternoon and the OT office erupted in Whoo Hoos! Congrats Ocho!

Anyone..? Anyone...? Bueller? Bueller?

Dr Phil wants you...
http://www.drphil.com/plugger/respond/?plugID=10268

No fighting over the Uno's HotPants

See this beautiful fruit bouquet? It's a gift to HP01 from TCP loyal fans, PittHotPants (RS) and her Hot-T sis! The Uno just got back from the Big Apple, only to find an array of delicious fruits delivered to her office...how very mysterious!! Looks like RS's midget tent must have cut off the oxygen to her brain, causing her to fall in lurve with HP01.

THANK YOU Sistas, for the wonderful gift!!

On another note, the OT ladies have been the recipients of unsolicited, creepy emails from fellas they meet at biz events. Certainly all the HPs have their own stories, but really fellas...never put this shit in an email!!

HP01 received this email from a dude she met at a 300+ person dinner function in NYC. She spent all of 3 minutes "networking" with this D-bag corporate exec. Enjoy.

Subject: "I met you at the reception last night"

"Hey there,
Not sure if you will see this note in time, I looked for you at the conclusion of the dinner, but i could not find you, wanted to invite you for a drink last night but no such luck. At any rate if you see this or are staying in NYC call my mobile below would like to take you out to see the town.
best,
XXX XXXXXXX "


Why must the HotPants MoJo attract only MoFos?

Trifuckwit finds his way to the blog.

So many problems...
(no, that's not an eyeless SB)

http://teamcalientepantalones.blogspot.com/2005/12/tri-fuckwit.html

Pretzel Logic.

Outfits...outfits.

Long story short, HP03 had a rough afternoon on Sunday. When she finally got home and had her very first moment of alone time and chance to wear comfy, casual clothes she looked around and realized that the outfit was the solution. The camaraderie, support and lovely lady power embodied by those who rock the outfits made her feel better as she strolled around CHeights in her TCP gear.

Btw, HP03 rode 30 miles (with loads of hills) with Lance, I mean HP04 on Saturday.

Take THAT, Liberty Bell!

Guess who LOVES freedom? The HPs, that who! And they're proving it by putting on their hotpants and heading to Philly for a KICK ASS competition...the first-ever Philadelphia Women's TRI on July 9th. That's right HotPants fans, we're crossing state lines and taking this monkey-show on the road! The ladies will be shackin' up in a pimp-suite downtown and have enlisted PhillyHotPants to coordinate all non-race social events, including a trip to Buddakan to rub the Budda and drink like fish after the race. PhillyHotPants is also coordinating the pre-race pasta dinner in "an authentic hole-in-the-wall Italian place in South Phili." BRING IT!!!


The Uno and the Cuatro have already registered. Who's in for this Liberty Road Trip??

http://www.cgievents.com/cgiracing/pwt/course.html

MIA

Hey Ladies! The Ocho would like to apologize for her absence on the blog this week, but again the immigrants took over her life. HP08 got to sit on the floor for 12 hours a day listening to gems like:

"Some people don't speak English good." - Sen. Harry Reid
And
"You can call a dog a banana, but it isn't one. - JSM

Either way, HP08 apologizes for being gone and is using this little break in the craziness to announce that the Ocho and Senor Ocho are official registered for the Marine Corps marathon. That's right. In approximately 5 months, the Ocho will be dragging her sorry butt through 26 miles of urban and suburban DC.

Are we ready to rumble? Oh HP08 thinks we are.

HP01 heeds HP02's call and is ready for BALLS TO THE WALL!

With 3 TRIs already under her wetsuit (so to speak) this year, the Uno is executing a rigorous training regimen (thanks to HP04) in preparation for the Naylors Beach Olympic TRI in August. Truth be told, HP01 is freaked out about the prospect of competing for 4+ hours, especially after she witnessed one of the athletes last year collapse after the race and get rushed to the hospital. UGH!

So the plan is to swim, bike, run and lift weights 3 times a week. The plan also includes sprint-training at the track to improve running time, which has stalled at 12-13 minute miles. So far, here is the Uno's progress report...

• Mon--weight-training & 1 mile swim; trip to REI w/ HP02 to replace missing gear from Luray campsite (must have been the Assateague ponies again. bastards.)
• Tue--run 25 minutes, bike 12 miles, weight-training & 1 mile swim (phew!)
• Wed--REST!
• Thur AM--run 35 minutes (and experience her first run-related puking)
• Tonight--weight-training & swimming

Uno, Out!

Head Pusher!!!!

"Shhh baby.....don't speak"

Who is ready for BALLS TO THE W-A-L-L

Well ladies, the countdown is upon us. With teammates kicking ass all over the place, the time has come for HP02, 05 and 06 to step the EFF UP. Its the 33 day countdown to the Nissan Xterra, the ultimate tri-adventure in Richmond, and HP02 is ready to RUMBLE!! This event is so bad ass, all the HPs should get a piece of the action! Seriously, it is going to be a weekend festival, complete with gear demos, workshops, live music, food and mad gear booths. AND, check out this link: http://www.sportsbackers.org/scrambleinfo.htm. SOMEBODY from our team has to do this! A scramble- how kick ass!

In preparation for the big event, HP01 accompanied HP02 to REI lastnight to look at "upgrades", and became overcome with desire. True cyclophiles will hang their bikes over their bed to gaze at before falling asleep...HP02 always thought that was a little sick, that is until she wrapped her legs around that $1000 titanium frame.

TCP Takes on Luray Triathlon!

The Hot-T Ladies, sportin' the new team OUTFITS!








The Ocho and the Uno, Chillin' before the swim start








The Cuatro assits HP03 with her pre-swim stretching










A Crowd Fav....the Body marking












The Uno's Pre-Race Game Face










HP03 emerges from the water









Nice bootie ladies! HP04 & HP03 comin' in after 16 miles of ass-burning hills.








The Ocho brings it home for TCP!








And now, the SUPER FANS....

Always low prices, ALWAYS

Ah yes, RS...the proud new owner of the worlds' smallest tent. Goes to show that despite their commitment to low prices, Walmart's tent selection is ridiculously limited! Thanks for coming out to the Luray TRI and cheering on the HotPants!

Shout Out to DenverHotPants

The Ladies of TeamHotPants would like to congratulate DenverHotPants for surviving yet another dreadful legislative session. We hope you are suffering a severe hangover today after a rockin' evening with the bipartisan lobby crowd. The question remains...when are you getting your happy ass out to DC for some quality time with the HPs?? Perhaps a visit in late June, in time for the Bath County TRI on June 24?

The Ocho throws herself a life line...

Well hell must have frozen over because the Ocho is swimming. After a short lesson from HP03 on Saturday and a longer swim on Monday night with HP03, the Ocho ventured out on her own for the first time Tuesday night to try her hand at not sinking in the YMCA pool. (This post is proof that HP08 survived.) The Ocho followed the first week of the 6 weeks to 1650 schedule and swam about 700 meters followed by a few laps on the kicky board. The Ocho hates the kicky board. She also hates the old, speedo guy that insisted on side stroking in her lane and pulled a tidal wave behind him. HP08 felt like she was swimming in the ocean being rocked by the waves. She also hasn't managed to figure out how to breathe without sinking her entire lower half. She's working on the "roll to one side" method, but her butt still sinks. HP08 did have one revelation, though, that it's easier to roll your left side out of the water if you're willing to lower your right shoulder in to the water. Yeah. That helped. At this point, the Ocho would like to give a shout out to the cute-ish lifeguard that struck up a conversation with HP08 over the kicky board pile even though she was standing there in her bright purple bathing suit with her butt hanging out and her swim cap slighting askew so that the nike swoosh went right across her forehead. So, here's the new training schedule (keeping in mind that the Ocho has no intention of doing an entire TRI this season but is looking to next season:
Monday - morning run
Tuesday - Evening swim
Wednesday - morning run
Thursday - evening swim
Friday - Morning run
Saturday - afternoon swim
Sunday - a day of rest
This schedule will adjust when the Ocho and Senor Ocho start seriously training for the Marathon, but for now, that's the plan.

HP05 Rekindled her LOVE of the Swim… and had flash backs to college

First of all, a HUGE congratulations to HP04 on her first triathlon and HP01 for another job well done. Welcome HP10! Soon ladies, soon I will partake in an HP event. One is much needed soon for this HP’s soul!

What has she been doing you ask?? Well, a few of her co-workers have left; therefore this HP is doing about 3 jobs. F.U.N. She has had time to squeeze in a few swims, but none blog worthy. Until last night.

Why was this swim blog-worth? Well, HP05 had THE BEST SWIM SHE HAS HAD SINCE HIGH SCHOOL!!! She felt so smooth in the water, strong arms, and a good breathing rhythm. Her goal was 2 miles, with a break between each mile in about 75 minutes. As she approached the half way point, she realized there was no need to stop. That’s right, 2 miles (3600 yards) straight, in 65 minutes!! The best part, she didn’t want to stop. She could have kept going, however the pool was closing down and she had to get out. But, this swim gave her the confidence that she needed to know she can do the 4.4 mile swim across the Chesapeake Bay in 33 days. YAY!!!

Why was this a flash back to college? Well, after such a great swim, HP05 had to go home and write her paper for class. This was reminiscent of her water polo playing days in college when she would play polo for 2 hours, then go study and write papers for undergrad. Ahhh the good old days…



HP05 did actually play against a few guys who looked like this…

Neeeewww biiiiiiiike

HP03 imagi-riding around the office on her packaged up NEEEEEWW BIIIIKE!
Phew, water break!

What's that? You want a piece of this??

See that lake in the distance? I HAVE CONQUERED IT!!!!

HP04 is proud to announce her first full TRI is done!

A huge shout out and thanks to HP01 for being there with me, supporting me, your words of advice and sharing your dogs with me. I had a GREAT time and it is no doubt because of the great example HP01 has set for the rest of us in maintaining a great attitude and having FUN! And thanks to the newly inducted Deuce for coming along to support HP01 & HP04. It was great to have you join us! And a HUGE thank you for bringing TECATE into my world (which I'd like to make the official beer of the HotPants)!

So - for all of those with inquiring minds here's how the first full TRI for HP04 went down....

Swim: 14:28 - eh, not quite pleased with this time. Added almost a full minute to my lake Anna time but seeing as all 110 women started in one wave I'm going to chalk it up to not being out in front fast enough. I can safely say however, that it would have been a time well into the 15 minutes if I hadn't swam over (literally, heh heh heh kiss my toes I'm comin' through) 4 or 5 men I passed (i swam around the women). (Side note: I think I'm beginning to develop an unhealthy level of competition when it comes to beating men. It just feels so good.)
I burst out of the water (16th woman overall and 5th in my age group- thank you very much) to a smattering of applause and a couple "nice swims". Ran/Walked/Stumbled up the hill into the transition area - looked around and realized I was in a group of pretty serious athletes wondering how the hell did I get here and where is everyone else...and then I got on the bike and soon the rest of the pack caught up and passed me. I felt like a turtle walking down a highway. All I heard was "on your left" for the entire 46:45 minutes I was on the bike. Although I did pass a couple people - to whom I said "good job, you're almost there, looking good" because I was passing so slowly I didn't need to announce myself on their left and for fear it would result in another "Go Navy" incident for the HotPants (HP03 and Sherando). If I'd tried to announce myself it would have been more like "on your left.....well, almost on your left......now i'm on your left.....still on your left......on your front tire.......Eat my dust sucka!!!!" Good thing those men I swam over couldn't recognize me without my wet suit swim cap disguise or i'm sure they would have thrown an elbow or two, and I must say rightfully so. (Note to self: train more on bike). But, all in all (considering I've only had my bike for 3 weeks) I was pretty pleased with my bike time/experience.
And then the run... I thought I'd done 12 minute miles I felt like I ran so slowly. I think I forgot I was "racing" at that point and I proceeded to have a conversation with "john", some guy I met along the way, the entire time. John lives by VA beach, is a sales rep, his dad does tri's, he has an older sister who used to work for non profit think tank in DC working on public policy to combat illiteracy- I wasn't kidding when I said we talked the whole way. So, I felt like I wasn't exerting myself in the least but ended up running around 10s. (run time 29:49). Oh yeah - and I got SMOKED by a 12 year old boy - that always makes ya feel good! But, for some reason didn't result in me kicking it into high gear and actually running.
Overall, I was very pleased with my performance! Total time: 1:37:06. My goal was 1:45 so I was happy I came in under my goal, had a ton of energy left and could have pushed myself much harder but really wanted to make sure I finished and I wasn't sure how much I could push myself. I learned sooo much and most importantly I had so much fun!!!! I can't WAIT for the next one! Bring it on!!!!!!

Lessons:
1. Invest in a pair of tri shorts. I had WAY too many "outfit" changes. And the putting on my bike shorts wet is a battle I do not want to fight again. Never mind putting on my running shorts backwards.
2. When you get off the bike and try to run your legs feel like spaghetti, but it passes. I had a moment of "oh crap, I don't know if I can run. Work legs, work!!!"
3. I don't like eating and will stick to goo - no solid food. Left a coating in my mouth - blech!
4. Eat goo earlier on bike ride.
5. Run with my own water bottle. Water stations = cramp in side.
5. This shit is fun!

(oh yeah and i've been training but not posting about it. Monday's are swim, bike. Tuesdays swim, run. Wednesdays bike. Thursdays swim, run. Fridays off-woohoo. Saturdays swim ,run. Sundays bike, run. That's my training program and i'm sticking to it! After completing the sprint i'm moving forward with plans to do Naylor's Beach Olympic.)

Welcome HP10!!

Dear Blog Readers,

TeamCalientePantalones introduces the latest addition to the team...

The DUECE (formerly known as AlaskaHotPants)

Smith Mountain Lake TRI: Results for HP01

It’s official…HP01 & HP04 conquered Smith Mountain Lake this weekend! The TRI course was spectacular, the lake clear, the bike/run course hilly, the people very friendly and the dudes HOT! The Uno and the Cuatro rocked it HotPants-style, proudly displaying their tankini’s and reprentin’ TCP with grace and poise. We did, however, miss our trusty teammates, but were very pleased to be cheered on by AlaskaHotPants! Thanks for coming out AlaskaHP, and muchas gracias for bringing the must-needed brewskies.

While keeping with tradition of being dead last in her age group, The Uno managed to shave time off her swim and her run times.




Total time: 2 hours, 7 minutes


Half-mile Swim time: 24 minutes (2 minutes faster than Lake Anna)
12-mile bike time: 54 minutes
3.2-mile run time: 40 minutes (5 minutes faster than Lake Anna)

Dr. McBuffy!!!

Ok, so the Ocho took a much belated trip to see her internist today to discuss getting an actual prescription for her inhalers rather than depending on her pediatrician continuing to be her dealer from Tucson. So, the doctor starts to ask questions about what kind of activities set off her asthma and HP08 tells him that it's just when she runs and usually only at this time of year because of allergies. He asked what kind of running she was doing and HP08 casually said "well, I've been doing triathlon relays" feeling very cool and tough. The Doctor than says "Oh, that's great! Triathlons are great. I do triathlons too. This year I'm doing TWO IRON MANS!!!" (Caps and "!!!"s added by the Ocho for emphasis.) Who does TWO IRON MANS in one year let alone one lifetime?!? The Ocho responded with something lame like "Wow, really? Wow. Well I only do the run of the triathlons. I don't do the whole thing... But it's, um, fun and I have friends and um, wow, two iron mans, huh?" He then gave her new inhalers, a referral to get her foot looked at and some new allergy meds. As they shook hands goodbye Dr. McBuffy said "good luck with the triathlons" and the Ocho is pretty sure that she heard herself say something like "thanks, yeah, and um right, you with the two iron mans...wow...two iron mans..."

Everybody friggin' chill

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhEl6HdfqWM

Cartoon video, it's a bit long - unless you're bored, Ocho - but you should at least FF to the near-end where the stoner eagles come in.

The Boredom post

Well the HPs have had some stellar posts in the last few days, so HP08 hates to inflict on everyone a post of boredom. Here it is, though. HP08 has been sitting at her desk for 3 days, watching her butt get wider and staring at the walls while supposedly "monitoring the floor." SNOOOOOOOZZZEEEEE... Now here she sits, for the 3rd night in a row at 7pm doing nothing but trying to amuse herself through posting. The Ocho would call this a waste of taxpayers money, but she doesn't actually get paid for over time, so really, when you think about it, she's doing this for FREE! Or actually, since she's using online shopping to amuse herself, she's actually PAYING to be here. The singular highlight of her day was watching the trailer for the upcoming "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest." mmm...Johnny Depp. Here is the link for all of you HPs that are also bored to tears:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uT4RGosSL50&search=dead%20man%27s%20chest
And just for good measure, here is some eye candy:







Well HP08 has killed about 10 minutes now. Now what?

Here is a funny looking old lady:












This is what the Ocho is going to look like by the time she get out of here. What will ever save HP08 from a life of boredom!?!

PS Never post while bored. It's bad for everyone

Viva Senor Pusher

Yesterday CoachHotSpeedo, in defense of his livelihood, took to the streets with his amigos.

If you weren't convinced by facts & human compassion...

...this should do the trick...

Chastity belts are so last season.

God bless the old white man as he strives for his piece of the equality pie... wait a minute here...

Not to turn TCP into the RenegadeCrafters page (which is tres lovely... in fact, maybe HP03 can get in on a little guest blog action...eh, DHP, waddaya say?), but did you read the NYTimes OpEd page today? Admittedly, Kristoff has been a bit off the mark lately with his whole "hero journalist" thing he works into all his stories that are "saving people's lives," but today's peice is... funny. The pro-abortion policy is...eh, a bit far...but libidophobes? That's renegade sass.

"Plan B, the emergency contraceptive, normally prevents pregnancy when taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex — although it is most effective when taken within 24 hours. It is now available in most of the U.S. only by prescription, but the American Medical Association and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists have both endorsed it for over-the-counter use.

"President Bush's Food and Drug Administration has blocked that, apparently fearing that better contraception will encourage promiscuity. But unless the libidophobes in the administration mandate chastity belts, their opposition to Plan B amounts to a pro-abortion policy.

"One study, now a bit dated, found that if emergency contraceptives were widely available in the U.S., there would be 800,000 fewer abortions each year. And even though they are generally available only by prescription, emergency contraceptives averted 51,000 abortions in 2000, according to the Guttmacher Institute.

"That's one of the paradoxes in the abortion debate: The White House frequently backs precisely the policies that cause America to have one of the highest abortion rates in the West. Compared with other countries, the U.S. lags in sex education and in availability of contraception — financing for contraception under the Title X program has declined 59 percent in constant dollars since 1980 — so we have higher unintended pregnancy rates and abortion rates. "

In all the holyrollin' circles the real question remains, does your chastity belt match your shoes ladies?

http://renegadecrafters.blogspot.com/