TRI Fuckwit

TRI Fuckwit (tri)(fuk)(wit)
n.

One, usually male, who participates in triathlons and feels compelled to self-promote to other triathletes to the point of making his company walk away to avoid vomiting on her fashionable shoes.

Last night at The Sign of the Whale on M St. HP03 meet an ultimate TRI Fuckwit. While she does not recall his name, she does recall his cheese outfit and receding hairline. Roids.

Despite SB's ever so gracious conversation starter -- asking said TRI Fuckwit about any recent races -- an attempt to bring TRI Fuckwit and HP03 to a common point (Introduce people using thoughtful details, ala Bridget Jones). TRI Fuckwit took that ball and rolled with it...right over the freaking cliff. Conversation went something like this:

"So TRI Fuckwit, have you run any triathlons lately?" asked SB.
"No man, season's over in like September," replied TRI Fuckwit.
"Oh, really. Well how did it..." SB started to ask before being cut off.
"Yeah well I kicked some serious ass and I'm planning some trips to PA for some next year," interjected TRI Fuckwit.
"Well HP03 here is on a TRI team (*SB whispers Cliente Pantalones*) and she, well we, just ran the DC marathon. She literally dragged me across the finish line."
(HP03 thinks SB will surely get some making out for that one and nods with a precariously raised eyebrow for the whole bar to see.)
"Oh yeah," TRI Fuckwit cuts in, "what was your time."
"4 hours and...twenty..." HP03 thinks aloud.
"4 hours 28 minutes and 14 seconds," SB recalls.
"4:28:13," HP03 sticks in.
"Hm. Well mine was 4:45, but that was after a 2.5 mile swim and 100+ mile bike ride so I'll allow myself the extra fifteen minutes."
"Really? Well fuck off," HP03 gives TRI Fuckwit the finger.
"She's nice," TRI Fuckwit retorts.
"Right..." HP03 heads to the bar for beers.

TRI Fuckwit must have disgusted everyone else in the bar as he was later seen trying to freak a poorly dressed chubby girl who really wasn't all that interested.